Day 15

As you can see, I woefully underestimated the amount of walking I would be able to/would want to do in December. A 10-day trip to the States combined with the hectic nature of the holiday season and a general winter weather-induced malaise meant I didn’t get many miles under my belt before 2013 came to a close. Luckily 2014 is chock-a-block with days set aside for nothing but walks.

So, with that excuse firmly in place, let’s get to Day 15.

The prevalent theme of today’s walk turned out to be signs. More accurately, poorly planned signs.

May I submit the following evidence to the court:

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Perhaps it’s meant to be a pun? They do sell a lot of chairs, after all.

Maybe Boob Man was taken?

Or maybe they are just big Seinfeld fans?

You know what? It’s not sufficient to hide that video in a link you may never even notice. It’s just too damn funny. Behold the Ass Man montage in all its glory:

Anyway. Back to today’s signs.  Now you know why I, well,  laughed my ass off when I saw this sign (ok I guess Seinfeld isn’t entirely responsible. Signs like this and Cock Hill make me giggle like a 14-year old boy).

Number 2 

(perhaps a bad title after the previous topic)

William Wallace. We all know him as the Scottish revolutionary who was hung, drawn and quartered at Smithfield Market before going on to produce grotesquely violent religious films and long-winded racists rants. You would think this plaque, honouring such an important character in British society, would merit the services of a proofreader. Oops.IMG_8839

And then there’s this little dandy. I really don’t know what to say about it because I have no earthly idea what it says itself. My native-English-speaking walking companion put it best, “I don’t know what the words mean.” I do believe commas and full stops were invented shortly after this was erected.

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No Airbrush Here

I’m well aware of the pressure we face to be thin and fit. What I didn’t full comprehend is the extent to which this trend has spread throughout our entire society. That is, I didn’t understand until Katie and I came across an anorexic bollard on Little Britain. Sad days, indeed.

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Today’s Insider London Secret

I will be the first to admit I do not take full advantage of all that London has to offer. Yes, it is a place that can easily drive you into the poorhouse but once you are there, you have a plethora of freebies and discounts at your fingertips. In terms of cultural experiences, London is one of the best places to be broke.

I didn’t know about the following tip until today so I feel the need to spread the word!

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The Barbican holds 30 seats out of every stage performance to sell for £10 at 10:30am on the day. They’re quite good seats too. All you have to do is get there early in the morning and queue up for a chance at one. On busy days you might be looking at a stupidly early time (we’re talking pre-underground operating hours times) but mid-week we were good to go at 9am.

So there you have it. A double whammy tip. Cheap tickets and a timing strategy. Not too bad, eh? Oh, and if you have the chance to see Richard II you should do so. I didn’t have high hopes when I started falling asleep in the first 15 minutes (though the 10 miles of walking we did probably didn’t help) but the initial fear I would drool on my neighbour vanished pretty quickly when I got caught up in the story and ended up really enjoying the performance.

I’m no stage critic, mind you, but Dr. Who did a great job as an impetuous, incapable king trying his best to cling to power. Plus his hair was bad ass.

Until February

Well, that’s about all for today. As previously mentioned, I will be travelling for the month of January (a hard life, I know) so I’ll see you in February when I’m back and walking in the drizzle and icy temps. I can’t wait.

Happy New Year and see you next time.

You can find the map for today’s 6.08 mile walk here

149 days until the Congestion Zone Party! Follow on Twitter for more updates.


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